Joint Checking Accounts for Married Couples: The Great Debate Over Joint vs. Separate Bank Accounts
September 6, 2008
Whether you are newly married or you’ve been married for 20 years, the debate over joint versus separate bank accounts is a hot topic among married couples. Some couples swear by separate bank accounts, and other couples think joint accounts are the only way to go. I’ll give you my opinion over the debate, the best checking accounts for married couples, and a strategy for making the joint checking account work.
Joint vs. Separate Accounts
I have a strong opinion about this debate. I think that all married couples, new and old, should hold joint checking and savings accounts. I understand the argument for separate accounts, but when you said “I do” at the altar, you made a commitment to become one cohesive unit. You are a team, and you need to act like one. When you choose not to share your finances, you are choosing not to share one of the most important aspects of your lives. You can give me all of the excuses about how it works better with separate accounts, and it’s too confusing to share money. The reality is that you don’t trust each other, and you won’t put the time into sharing your money. Don’t settle for the compromise of spending whatever you make. Your marriage is not a business partnership, and if you weren’t ready to give up control of your money, then you weren’t ready to get married.
Responses To Advocates Of Separate Bank Accounts
“She/He spends too much money, and he/she won’t listen to me when it comes to saving money” The answer to this problem is communication and/or marriage counseling, not separate bank accounts. If your spouse refuses to change their financial habits and they are reckless with money, then you don’t have a financial problem. You have a marriage problem. You need to find common ground as a married couple, and help each other rather than get mad at each other. If you can’t communicate and resolve the problem on your own, see a marriage counselor. There may be a bigger issue that one of you isn’t talking about.
“It’s too confusing to share money. I’m afraid that we’ll overdraft on our account.” This is the excuse of a lazy couple that doesn’t want to communicate and budget money together. The solution to this problem is getting on a budget, and planning how you will spend your money each month. Set aside two hours each month to go over your budget and finances for the month with your spouse.
“She/He brought more debt into the marriage. She/He should pay it off on his/her own.” I’ve actually heard people say this before, and it makes me cringe every time I hear it. When you get married, you are coming together become one person, one flesh. You work as a team, and you help each other no matter what. If your spouse is bringing in a bunch of debt to the marriage, it’s now your debt. I don’t care who’s name is on the debt. You have an obligation as a marriage partner to share that debt.
Strategies for Sharing Bank Accounts
Our Strategy: I married a girl who is more frugal than me. In fact, she makes fun of me for the gadget cravings that I get and my weakness for spending money when we go out at night on a date. I got lucky. I never worry about her going on a spending spree with our money. She follows our budget religiously. There was no question when we got married that we would share a checking and savings account. We have a Bank of America checking account for convenience, and we have an ING savings account for short-term savings. I have a 401k for retirement, and now that she’s working, we’re going to open up Roth IRA’s with Sharebuilder in the coming months. We’ve shared a checking account for three years, and it’s been a great decision. We sit down every two weeks to go over our finances and map out what we’re going to do with OUR money, even though I was the only income producer for the past three years.
Joint Checking Account with Two Separate Checking Accounts: If you simply can’t grasp the concept of having one joint checking account, then try this method. Keep a joint account that feeds all of your income into it, and pay all of your bills through this account. Keep a separate checking account for yourself and for your spouse. Divide up 5 to 10% of your income into the separate accounts. Make a pact that you can do whatever you want with that money and your spouse can’t question you about it (as long as its legal! haha). My wife and I do something similar with cash. We give each other a certain amount of money each month called “mad money”, but instead of putting it in separate accounts, we keep it as cash. I like having some cash on me at all times, because there are still situations in life where you can’t swipe a piece of plastic, and sometimes cash speaks louder than plastic.
Checking Accounts of Interest for Married Couples
I know that i made some bold statements in this article, but I will stand by them. It was not my intention to offend you, but I hope it gets you thinking about your current financial set-up with your spouse. I am sure there are people out there that have separate checking accounts with a healthy marriage, but it is the minority. Think of this is a challenge to get you to think differently, not an attack on your current opinions. You must be on the same page with your finances, and sharing every aspect of it is part of the foundation of a healthy marriage.
For more money tips for couples you can read about budgeting money for newlyweds, tips for finding an apartment after marriage, and a couples guide to buying an affordable house.
This article on joint bank accounts in marriage is part of the Marriage Money Guide.
You also need to consider that if one of the spouse passes away, the joint account may be frozen until the estate is taken care of. This implies the other spouse does not have access to some (or all) of the funds for a while. Even when there is a clear will and nobody opposing.
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You hit the nail on the head when you said that if you aren’t ready to give up control of your money then you aren’t ready to get married. Both money and marriage are matters of trust.
I agree that joint accounts are the way to go, with (if finances allow) ‘mad money’ for each party that they are NOT accountable for to the other. The emergency savings, saving for a house, and retirement funds should all be joint as much as possible.
I also agree with Nicholas that the death factor needs to be provisioned for – so each party should either have savings or checkings of their own to get them thru til the estate is settled. As well as a joint credit card, each party should have their own personal credit card, in case death (or divorce) occurs. This should all be balanced so that each person is building up a good credit score, as well as the marriage building up a good credit score. A marriage is afterall, 3 parties… Him, Her, and the marriage… and all need to be healthy (taken care of) for all to be happy
I do make one exception to all the above – and that is in the case of older couples getting married with children and/or grandchildren. In that case, I believe in prenuptials, a joint account and credit card for the daily living expenses, plus separate non accountable accounts for each of them……and in a best case scenario, the couple will both die together a the moment they spend their last pennies…. However, as that is rarely the case, I believe that what each partner brought into the marriage that is not being used to support the marriage finances, should be held sacred for the children/grandchildren of each party separately. However, that is just my own personal opinion and from my personal situation and that of my mom and step-dad, each with several grown children, and this is the way that they have worked it out, and it seems to be working well. And of course, all the kids and stepkids hope that that best case scenario works out for them and that they spend all their money before they die. We would rather they enjoy life than worry about leaving something for us.
And David – fortune has smiled on you by uniteing you with that rarest of women – a frugal woman! May she temper your habits! haha! Good luck to the both of you!
With the second wife we managed the joint account as if there were two accounts. She updated her checkbook with her deposits, and I updated with mine. We would transfer money between us if necessary. Our checks had different number ranges, so we could easily recognize them on the statements.
With the third wife I intended not to go joint. She is an immigrant, however, and the INS said (or implied . . .) that we should have a joint account as part of convincing them that she should get a green card. So we did it. After about a decade now there are no problems.
If one party has significant bankruptcy risk coming into the marraige, it may be a good idea to keep at least some accounts separate. Where one (or both) parties brings a significant liability (mortgage, medical, other) that the other party is not legally liable for, segregating legal liability is a good idea.
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[...] Joint Checking Accounts for Married Couples: The Great Debate Over Joint vs. Separate Bank Accounts Ben join the debate with his method of making the joint account works for couples. [...]
my husband believes in having it in joint accounts, I believe in having both joint and separate. So I have individual accounts as well as the joint account and he doesn’t. what matters is to do what works for each couple, there is no right or wrong way to do it
. We’ve been together 31 years and we still like each other, so it works for us.
I firmly believe that it doesn’t really matter how you do it. Most people have some separate cash or account for each person. What’s the difference if you transfer money from separate accounts to a joint account or the other way around? That said, many couples who use separate finances do it that way to compensate for other issues (trust, gambling, shopping). Of course, joint finances can have problems too (competitive spending, control issues). I don’t think it’s fair to say that a method for managing your finances says anything about your relationship.
I also take offense to your trust statement. Separate finances means you trust the other person to do their part, to not hide things, to be honest, to help you, to support you, to pick up the slack if you need it. It’s trust in a different way.
We keep separate, but joint finances. I think this is the healthiest of all combinations. We each have our own budgets, but we also have a spreadsheet for handling joint expenses, and a budget for reaching joint goals. He supported me through college, I’m helping pay off his credit card from his previous marriage, all the while keeping our finances ’separate’. We regularly discuss the state of our finances and the progress for our goals.
In conclusion, who cares how you do it, as long as you do it together?
[...] The Great Debate Over Joint vs. Separate Bank Accounts. “I think that all married couples, new and old, should hold joint checking and savings accounts.” Money Smart Life offers this strong opinion. [...]
[...] Smart Life – Joint Checking Accounts for Married Couples: The Great Debate Over Joint vs. Separate Bank Accounts. The debate in my house rages [...]
Ben, I respect you and your blog, but this, to put it frankly, is bullshit:
You can give me all of the excuses about how it works better with separate accounts, and it’s too confusing to share money. The reality is that you don’t trust each other, and you won’t put the time into sharing your money.
I trust my wife more than I trust myself. She trusts me with money, too. But neither one of us has any desire to combine our finances. We’re happy with the system we have. Just because you cannot fathom separate accounts doesn’t mean that others in loving marriages can’t do it.
This statement, too, deserves to be flogged:
I am sure there are people out there that have separate checking accounts with a healthy marriage, but it is the minority.
What is this based upon? Opinion? The word of Dave Ramsey? I’ve never seen anything to indicate that one group — jointers or separatists — was any better at managing money or marriage.
I’ve never understood why “joint finance” folks are so dogmatic. It’s baffling. Both systems can work just fine. Both systems can lead to disasters. The system is irrelevant. It’s the people behind the system that are important.
Rant over! Go about your otherwise fine work.
Wow, this one got some passionate responses! Erik states at the beginning that it’s just his opinion so of course you are all entitled to yours as well. I’m not surprised there are such strong feelings on both sides of the topic.
I’m sure there are couples that make it work both ways, personally my wife and I have joint accounts. I think the most important thing is that there’s an open dialogue about money between you and your spouse and a shared understanding of how it will be spent.
Please do share with me some more “realities” about my marriage. But first, remind me: have we met?
Pompous ass.
My husband has two separate checking accounts, one for paying bills and the other for our rental income. He wants to be able to access my account information but I am not able to access his. We have been married 25 years and sadly we have never really worked together on finances or been able to follow a budget. Recently, he feels that I have overspent on the 3 kids, ages 25, 20, and 15. However, the 25 year old just moved to LA, the 20 year old and 15 year old just had a birthday, and we had back to school expenses, along with a school dance. I probably spent about $2000 total and he was furious, screaming, and threatening to see an attorney about divorcing me. I think the joint account for both of our incomes would help us with total transparency. Otherwise, I feel he is turning into a control freak. I told the kids to call him whenever they need something, I am retreating from making decisions on all expenses of theirs. Their needs and wants are exhausting to me anyway. 2 other times in our 25 years I overspent on credit. Once for 10,000 for combined college expenses for myself and oldest daughter, and once for 5,000 to help start a part time business. I am a teacher with a Masters and he makes more than double my income. I am not sure there is hope for our marriage because of the money control issues we seem to have. I think I have simply become to unhappy, feeling controlled, and monitored all the time. I also do not buy that much for myself, it is more for the kids. I am pretty depressed. Please share with me if you will.
Hi Meg,
I am so sorry you have to live with someone like this. I’m sure you love him but there is no excuse to yell at you and threaten divorce like that. He is trying to make you live in fear.
Why didn’t you ask him before spending the thousands of dollars? Does he ask you when he spends large amounts of money? You should have joint accounts and withdrawals or purchases over a set amount must require BOTH signatures.
Like the guy said in this article.. if you are having money issues like this then this is NOT a sign that you are having trouble with money. It’s a sign there’s trouble with your marriage. I had the same situation with my ex. He was using $ to control me and he sincerely felt I didn’t deserve anything because I had debt and yet he would spend thousands on himself for his hobbies. It left me feeling worthless and like I didn’t deserve anything. I’m sure you feel the same way.
I KNOW you love this man, but you’re going to have to put your foot down and gain back his respect. The next time he threatens to divorce you over your spending, say something witty back like “yeah, that’s REALLY going to save you money” LOL Ok maybe don’t say that… but just tell him you want a joint account and if he doesn’t agree then seriously just leave him or threaten to because he’s not cooperative and you seem to be the only one who really cares. If he makes double your income, and you have a masters.. $15,000 shouldn’t be that big of a deal if it’s a one time thing. But, you SHOULD have asked him first or discussed it first so you should also apologize for that.
The way he acts about money it seems like he’s stashing a whole bunch away and is planning on divorcing you in 5 years and buying a corvette and dating some blonde gold digger. Careful..
“She/He brought more debt into the marriage. She/He should pay it off on his/her own.” I’ve actually heard people say this before, and it makes me cringe every time I hear it. When you get married, you are coming together become one person, one flesh. You work as a team, and you help each other no matter what. If your spouse is bringing in a bunch of debt to the marriage, it’s now your debt. I don’t care who’s name is on the debt. You have an obligation as a marriage partner to share that debt.
I have been married for 3 years and have gotten into a shit load of debt while married. I understand that you are a marriage counselor and wanted to get your advice. Basically too believe in your statement that when you get married, you become one person and you must share all the happiness and sadness as a cohesive unit. I have a newborn baby and my wife has not been working because she is staying home taking care of our son. Our financial situation is like separate right now because I take care of the mortgage and she takes care of the other bills. I do realize that I accumulated this debt by myself but my wife refuses to help me out because her philosophy is that I did it so I have too take responsibility for it. I don’t have any other options left, am I wrong to feel helpless because my wife is not willing to go through the bad times but only the good times with me?
The situation IS entirely different with a couple over 40 getting married when each have grown children. My husband is the best when it comes to finances and firmly believes in a joint account. However, I don’t feel that it is appropriate to to have to ask if I can withdraw funds from our joint account for my children. The financial discussion will always be who did what when for which child. Totally exhausting. After we each contribute to pay assigned bills, I should have discretionary income for whatever I want to do that is within the parameters of a good marriage. I shouldn’t feel like a child answering to a parent on spending money I earned. Especially at my age.
I’ve been married for three years and my husband doesn’t have a bank account.
The reason he doesn’t is because he owed the bank for overdraft charges before we got married, so he could never open an account. Recently our employer made everyone get direct deposit and of course my hubby doesn’t have any account. For the past three years if manage all the finances and know he wants to have a seperate account. I’m scared because he doesn”t want to include me in his decision. I think that this is going to but a dent in our marriage.
He like to over spend and know we might even end up without anything. What should I do?
this article has been very helpful. we recently got married in april and i have had all of my life a seperate checking account. my hubby thinks that it is a good idea that we have joint and my mom and stepdad have a joint checking account. my hubby and i have a joint savings account. i guess i am just chicken because like what the one part of the article says about afraid of overdrafting. that is me right there. but the more that i read this article i am seriously thinking about doing a joint checking account. i mean would this better our credit score if we have joint checking accounts and joint saving accounts or does that not matter? plus we are looking for our first home in the very near future and it would prob look better i guess…..i am more frugal with my money than with what he is. we both watch, but he likes to spend little bit…..maybe it would be better since the bank that i have now isnt going to be available come sept. eighth it was bought out by pnc. so…instead of it being confusing and having to order new checks and stuff maybe i should just combine mine with his checking account since he has a good bank. and i wouldnt have to worry about it being bought out or anything like that. really helpful and insightful article!!
When my wife and I have a joint account it always gets overdrafted. If we don’t have a checking account and pay bills with cash if I have what’s left it lasts us until the first of the month. If she has what’s left it’s gone before the second week of the month. We both only get paid at the First of the month, and since we drive to 20 miles to work we’ll be asking around for gas money.
But I found in the past that when we had seperate accounts her account would overdraft. Mine wouldn’t so I bailed her out several times. Keep in mind that she’s on my account but she don’t know it so if I pass she still gets the money asap. But this is the only way I know how to save and keep money. She found out that I have $17000 in my 401K account.
Her solution to our problems is “you need to draw it out to help with the bills.” We don’t have that many bills. Here’s a good example: I use to drive cross country on a big rig. My bring home pay was $1000 a week. I was gone for up to 10 weeks at a time. When I got home our account was $500 over drafted. I don’t think that marriage counseling is the answer. Spouses like this should go to financial counseling.
My mother in law is constantly in our business. Is this a common practice for in laws? If so how can we tell them to butt out. They got to live their lives, they need to let us live ours!
What if you didn’t know about your husbands debt and he lied about it??
He doesn’t contribute anything to the household and I know nothing about his
earnings??
I know— I was a fool!!!
I have a different perspective, and I’ve actually thought about emailing Dave about my unique situation. I am the second wife. The first wife spent the first fifteen years of our marriage dragging my husband into court for more money at every opportunity, and yes, he was already paying all of his court ordered child support. Once she wrecked a car that was in her name and dragged him into court to pay the balance that was owed – and won! She can do this because she gets free legal services from her boss who is an attorney, so she doesn’t have to worry about ever paying for any suit no matter how ridiculous. The kids are all grown now, and she has remarried. However, when the kids were younger they told me that she said she wished we had joint assets because then she could convince a judge that my husband had more money than he actually had and then she could get her paws on my money too!
As long as this woman draws a breath on this earth, my funds will always be separate from my husband’s and our home will always be exclusively in my name.
While I think joint accounts are great for a lot of people I do think it is a very bold statement to say it should be for everyone. They just aren’t. Family has come to mean many different things these days. And people are getting married later these days.
In my case I am in my 30’s and my boyfriend and I are talking about marriage. We both agree on separate accounts and then contributing a percentage to a joint account. Our reason is this. His graduate school education is 60k and he is still in school, and I have been out of college for years now and have nearly paid off my education expenses. Neither of us think its fair for me to have to contribute to his school expenses when I nearly had mine paid off when I met him.
I don’t think that makes us any less of a perfect couple, we actually agree on this matter and that is what makes us great. So many of my married friends fight over money.
Joint is the way to go. Marriage is a team and should be treated as such. Also, there will be transparency which means both spouses can monitor each other on the account. Overdrafting should not be an issue. Set up your checking account to draft from savings in case it happens. Also, have only 1 credit card with both your names on it, along with a limit that will not be exceeded and is managable for your financial situation. Finally, agree on an amount of “mad money ” each of you can piss away just for yourselves each month. I think about $200-$300 will suffice for each person, unless you are extremely rich and are materialistic.
I’m 32 btw, and that is a good foundation.
My husband and I have one child together and he has 3 from a previous marriage. We are considering splitting the bills as he is wanting to spend above and beyond the child support amount, buy 3 cars for his children, and pay for all the college. He is not requiring his ex to help. I don’t make triple of what my income is, but yet, he says we will split the bills 50/50. My argument is, if you bring in 75% of the income, you get 75% of the bills, and I bring in 25% of the income, I pay 25% of the bills……..
How do you split the bills up, when I can’t afford to pay 50%?????
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