Wanted: One Full Time Mother

May 10, 2009

Job Description
Seeking one full time mother to raise a baby. No experience necessary.

Screening Process
The job requires an initial nine month screening process during which you’ll be puking, uncomfortable, and sometimes miserable while carrying a baby to full term. Your body will do things you didn’t think possible and the nine months will end with some of the worst pain you’ve ever experienced.

Required Skills
Here are the skills necessary to be considered for the job of full time mom.

• Change diapers at any time of day or night
• Decipher baby’s cry and calm crying baby
• Setup & organize a baby’s room
• Cook with a kid on your hip or under your feet
• Fast cleaner, able to clean entire house before kid starts making next mess
• Shop for bargains on kids clothes, diapers, etc
• Keep kid entertained with non stop activities
• Ability to discipline kid
• Must teach kid to walk, talk count, eat with silverware, use the toilet, & be polite
• Whatever else is necessary to keep kid alive, healthy, and happy…

Job Hazards
This job will not be easy, you will have to endure:

• Stress
• Pain
• Guilt
• Worry
• Lack of Sleep
• Petulant Children

To do this job well you must exhibit:

• Unconditional Love
• Compassion
• Patience

This is a non-paid position but it does come with benefits you won’t find anywhere else such as undying love of the child and eternal gratitude from the father.

Thank You!
Of course it’s impossible to list all the amazing things you do. When you look at all that’s required it’s a wonder anybody wants the job of full time mom; BUT you do it so well and take such good care of our kids! We’re so lucky to have you in our lives. Happy Mother’s Day!

Note: This is the mothers day card I wrote for my wife today.  This afternoon I took both little ones while she headed out on her own for some time away from the kids.  After only a few hours of a demanding three year old and a crying newborn I am reminded of how tough a mother’s job can be.  Hats off to all the mothers out there!


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Ben Edwards, the founder of Money Smart Life, saved up enough to buy a Nintendo back when he was 12 years old. When he used the money to buy shares of Wal-Mart stock instead, he knew he wasn't like the other kids... His addiction to personal finance has paid off for his family and now he's helping you to afford the life that you want. Check him out on the web at Google Plus, Twitter and Facebook.

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2 Responses to Wanted: One Full Time Mother

  • Bargain babe

    Ha! Not sure I want to have kids anymore…jk.

  • Wojciech @ Fiscal Fizzle

    Humorous and so true! I shared this with my wife, who also had a good giggle. Parenting is not easy, but I imagine the rewards are well worth it, or our species would have died out long ago. 🙂